Pancakes, Lent and Exams

Okay so we've had the joys of pancake day in all its over eating pancakey-ness...which was awesome. Yesterday i was so sure i wasn't going to give up anything for Lent and stay stuck in this rather unhealthy and all round not very good lifestyle i've been in. I've not been doing to great spiritually, mentally or educationally lately and for a lot of it i've used the excuse of not being over my boyfriend, who i still love, but to be honest in terms of moving on i am slowly but because of the moping and the state i got myself into last year i've been snacking on far too many sweets at uni and just generally not paying much attention to what i'm eating.

Educationally, I'm starting to get better. Have found a way to help me concentrate in lectures-simply printing out the powerpoints and taking them to lectures has been a huge help in the past 2 weeks, revision is still a big problem. Had an exam today. It was faily easy and i think i did alright but while sitting in the library i realised i have no idea what works for me revising. This i shall have to sort out.

Spiritually, well thats a toughy. I've been attending church, but you don't get marks for just turning up. Most of this has been a lack of concentration, not having my priorities straight and i went through a long phase of doubting both myself and God. At first i saw my break up with Scott as God's fault. He'd been ill for a long time and i'd prayed to God to help him, I didn't see that Scott hads to figure that one out on his own and blamed God. He didn't cope, it put a strain on things and we split up. After that i went through a phase of thinking extremely negetively about myself and very low self esteem, doing some rather stupid things that i'm quite frankly ashamed and horrified at, and began to think that there was no point in God wasting his time on me, I'm not worth it and was quite frankly too lazy and set in my ways to make a change.

So to try and prove to myself that i can make a change for the better in my life I'm giving up all chocolate and sweets-some of my worst vices. I just think that i've needed to make changes for so long and the thought of Easter and Lent and the Crucifixion are kinda the kick up the backside i need. I need to prove to myself that even a tiny part of me is remotely close to being worthy of God because i sure don't feel like it.

Had a mid module exam today. It went better than i expected. No nasty molecular orbital questions...yay!!! Although i kind of understand them now.

Looking forward to a night in Edinburgh on Friday with April and Ryan... it's gonna be a stretch but i think i can just about afford it. Especially since i'm not gonna be stuffing my face with sweets. Going to the zoo, shopping, up Scotland's Shame and either the cinema or watching film's at Aprils' Should be fab. Haven't been to Edinburgh Zoo since I was like 10 or something and i love it there so much so i'm rather excited.