Anti-Valentines Weekend

So yeah i've had a bit of an anti-valentines weekend. It's a year ago this week that me and Scott split up... the 19th actually. It's been a rough year without him. It's quite scary feeling so secure and safe and then metaphorically being turfed out into the cold. Many a time have i felt lost, and incredibly lonely. I mean theres loneliness, like an every day kinda thing but there was so long that i just felt that no matter how happy i felt, there was still a huge chunk of me that was sad, and there was nothing i could do to change that. Don't get me wrong some of it was awesome though. It's just been strange having all these experiences good and bad and not having him to share them with. Even though i'm sure he's still there for me. It's not the same. I feel as if i can't go to him or speak to him because i have to learn how to get by on my own, or that he doesn'tr want to hear it, or that he'll freak out and think i'm trying to get him back.

I still love him, no doubt about that. But I've been talkiung to Jayne a lot and she talks sense lol. Her opinion, which i share, is that well love doesn't really die, it just changes.

So yeah i spent my Valentines Day hanging with Ally, wandering around town, then back to hers for a movie and the rugby. Spent the evening watching some films and just wallowing in happy memories. I have so much stuff that has just been hidden away for the past year because it reminded me of Scott: Jewellary, toys and other presents, photographs, videos etc so i brought some of it out from its drawer and just had a good old cry remembering all the laughs, and moments we shared. Even found my lightsaber that i bought on our holiday to Blackpool.

I think I'm getting to an alright place now. After trying to put a lot of things behind me at New Year, getting over crushes and making some pretty stupid mistakes along the way. I think i'm getting there.

Well Scott and Jayne are coming to mine at the weekend to hang out and have fun watching me attempt to cook lol.... Prawn and Tomato Spaghetti- i love that stuff! Should be good. I haven't just hung out with Scott at either of our houses since the summer holidays last year. We've been on nights out and at parties loads since then but it's not the same as just hangin out.

Anyhoo enough rambling on...i feel like gfoing to watch an episode or 2 of doctor who before i go to bed. night x